discouraged

I am really discouraged. I need outside support. Who can that be? Friends shouldn't hear this crap. I dont' want to speak badly about my spouse to friends. How awkward, how rude. Therapists are sunshine enemas. Who is left?

My one support person now resents me and thinks of me as my illness, not as me. I am a monster. I am a thing that must be fought off. No respect for me anymore. Belittles me in front of others. I can't make even the slightest error without getting severely reprimanded and belittled. I was told that I am "getting worse" and "not getting better" when I showed annoyance because someone moved my cd case from the place I had left it, and then another time when I politely called the driver who was supposed to pick me up for work and asked him to come back, (he forgot me).

There are certain things, inappropriate, uncalled for things, counterproductive, uncaring things, that are said out of spite and anger, that you just can't forget someone has said to you/about you. Like (repeatedly) saying ..."if it weren't for the kids I'd be divorcing you..." (because you are depressed); or how about being called crazy, in front of my kids, in front of other adults, when I am acutally doing quite well and not having terrible behavior. I am a human being. I am not perfect. I can't take much more of this punitive treatment. I need support, things that reinforce me when I am doing well, not punishment and hurt when I make a small, miniscule, hairsplitting mistake.

Thanks for the unconditional love. Not.

Only God is perfect.

This treatment is;

Demeaning.

Dehumanizing.

Not respectful of me.

Not giving me the dignity I deserve.